* A Nation of No Losers *
We do not let you be a loser!
Your mistakes will be rewarded handsomely.
When you bought a clunker that you should not have, we give you $4,500.
When you bought a mansion that you cannot afford, we're going to bail you out.
When you bought any inefficient appliance or anything, we'll pay you no matter how old they are.
When you lost your job, we extend your benefit.
When you do not have saving, we give you free health care.
When you have saving or a job, we take away your health care.
Teenagers, the more babies you have, the more benefits you have.
Drunk drivers, no one will prosecute you as the entire jury and even the judge are drunk.
Old ladies, your driver's license is also a license to kill.
Black kids, special pass to go to college and jobs.
Prisoners, you will get the flu shots first and free dental care.
Fatsos, do not worry as our up-coming drugs will melt all your fat while you sleep.
All athletes are rewarded with millions for taking drugs.
We voice loudly and disapprovingly on foreign athletes doing same.
It is an America invention!
When you cheated billions, you can retire in a resort-like 'prison'.
Also, the billions your wife hid is hers - no questions asked.
No other developed country lets their citizens own guns.
NRA and his puppet politicians will give you millions of funny 'reasons'.
When your company fails, we bail it out.
The executives are rewarded with bailout money for bringing down a company.
You die penniless, we give you $500.
You die with millions, we share your wealth.
The small catch.
We need you to re-elect us in 4 years.
The children cannot vote today, so let's pass our debts to them.
China does not have a voice here, so let's pass all the blames to them.
Even the entire world agree with us.
Our president is awarded the Nobel prize for doing nothing for peace, so why you need to work hard?