Celebration of Olympic Bronze

* Celebration of Olympic Bronze

What happened?
How can we lose gold count to China, a third world country?
Let’s have a national holiday of mourning. No one objects I bet!
Let’s have a national contest of the best excuses of winning so less gold medals.
It has to be the BEST, so it could worth a gold in this category.

What to do?
Borrow more money from China to buy foreign coaches…
No Speedo to Australia and China.
My secret weapon is to import 8 Jamaican runners. Money talks!
Bribe the judges (a little harder as everyone hates us but money talks again).
Change all the rules to our favor: 5 medals for basketball, 1 for table tennis, 0 for diving…
All tiebreakers must go our way as our sponsors own the Olympics.
We will amplify their “shortcomings”:
copying our advance lip sing technique, working too hard, starting before you can walk, their security system too tight, the Chinese smiling too much…
The Chinese must have put slippery jell on our batons and/or the gym apparatus.
Develop a dope that can take out all dope traces from our body.
“One country, all medals” is our new Olympics slogan.
The more wishfully we think, the closer we succeed.

How to heal now, really?
Write to Dear Abby for starter.
Bronze is the same as gold if not better.
If you do not believe me, ask any blind person here.
It is harder to get a bronze as we have to LET two others to win.
We’ll train our athletes for the bronze from now on.
NBC should interview bronze winners only as they are the real winners.
Actually we’ll be happier to be #3 and build a better relationship with other nations.
Stop laughing. It is a fact!!!
Phelps, we love you more with 8 bronze medals - it is no easy job to let 2 and ONLY 2 pass you 8 times.

If everything does not work, turn ugly.
Ask McDonald’s and KFC to give away their “food” (better than opium) to China FREE, so their next generation will be so fat that they cannot walk to the subway station.
Send soldiers to grab the medals, esp. gold. Hey, we have the best offense.

Will the world be better if we only fought for gold medals only (bronze medals in our case)?
What an Olympic spirit to celebrate the winning of the bronze!