How to save the airline industry

Bill just forwarded his idea of saving the airline industry. The picture of the good looking stewardess is included now so I need to make this blog PG17 or PG21 for Chinese.

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HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES?

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ’special services.’

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

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My reply to Bill is as follows:

Hi Bill,

We have started this service in ‘Virgin’ Airline - our logo is ‘Everyone can ride on a virgin’, or’ all our stewardess were virgins’.. There is a section for children and ladies (unless she is lesbian). The demonstration of sucking oxygen is breath-taking and every one pays attention. I stop dreaming what they do for first class service… :)

We also offer job opportunities for your former ‘assistants’. Lewinski and her look-alike will bring a lot of expertise to our airline.

We can double the profits by having a section for ladies and gays.

Your bright ideas always work. We respect your ‘Just Do it’ spirit. How many can change the defination of ’sex’ and ‘intern’ overnight?

Keep it up, Tony

Sex for seniors

Dear classmates of 1967,

LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS:

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

(This was sent in large type so you can read it.)

Sincerely, Pauline.

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My reply.

Hi Pauline and all classmates,

Ha, ha, Pauline. ROTFL. It MUST be from your experience, thanks for sharing.

I like to add (not from my experience though).

11. Take Viagra at least 5 hours earlier - allow time for your weak body to digest and distribute to the right organ.

12. Take pills for your high blood pressure before and after.

13. After it is done, mark it on the calendar, so you know when to do it again - do not depend on your poor memory. If your calendar does not have dates for next year, buy one even it is your last dollar.

14. If your partner died fortunately or unfortunately during the exercise, it would be great on your resume. Check whether s/he has a smile on the face and let us know.

15. If you cannot make love due to the big bellies in between, it is quite normal and medically we call it ‘mission impossible’. Consult some Chinese and Indian old books on special techniques/positions. If it still fails, call Dr. Ruth immediately.

Again thanks for sharing this important information. Your sincerity and honesty are greatly appreciated. I hope it will be useful to me 20 years later. At the mean time, practice, practice, and more practice.